He Cried
by JD11
Summary: “There’s five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey… and the baby.” He couldn’t help but picture a mop of brown hair dashing away from the destruction he had caused or a little girl between her mother’s knees as she braids locks of golden brown hair.
1. Chapter 1

**He Cried**

"There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey… and the baby."

Her voice was so soft, harsh and raw in her throat, but carrying so much weight that they were enough to force the breath from his lungs and stop the pounding of his hearts.

But, even so, he couldn't help but imagine.

Couldn't help but paint a picture of a scarcely pregnant Rose, glowing radiantly. Couldn't help but think of what she might look like months pregnant and waddling around. Couldn't help but imagine her face, sweaty and exhausted, smiling sweetly at the tiny life in her arms. Couldn't help but wonder whether it was a boy or girl and couldn't help but design the appearance of one of each in his mind. Couldn't help but picture a mop of brown hair dashing away from the destruction he had caused. Couldn't help but picture a little girl between her mother's knees as she braids locks of golden brown hair.

"You're not…" His words were a whisper, the most he could dare to breathe. And that's when he saw it- the fear and the pain and the hesitation hiding behind her tears.

"No," he couldn't help but think that the little laugh in her voice was forced, "It's mum."

/-/-

He could hardly believe that it had been over a day since he had seen her. Since his hearts broke at not being able to hold her as she cried. Since his breathing stopped and he almost became a father once again. Since his stomach dropped and his chest grew too heavy to move and the entire universe shattered around him. It felt more like years ago.

And that night felt even farther away.

_She's crying. God, she had been so strong during the entire fiasco on Sanctuary Base. So willing to thrust her fears away and get the others to remain calm. And now she's broken, her fragile façade of denial shattering behind the closed door of her room. _

_She likes to make him think that she doesn't cry, that she's stronger than that, that she can force the pain from her heart and move on just as easily as he does. But he knows better. Before, he had always left her to her grief and her tears. Before, he would have stood there for a moment and walked away, leaving her to think that he never knew. _

_But for the first time in their two short years, he needs to be with her, to let himself feel just as scared and weak and broken as she is in that moment. She hardly notices him when he comes in, only looks up when his weight shifts the bed and his arm wraps around her shoulders. She doesn't say anything, just buries her face into his neck. _

She didn't mention how long it had been for her. Months, he assumed, based on the time difference he had noted before.

Maybe three? Three months… four months since that night for her.

Three months. Jackie and Pete didn't waste much time. Although, it had been years since they had seen each other, in a way.

But still, Jackie pregnant?

_He leans away from her once her trembling shoulders have stilled. Her face is red, splotched and dotted with her tears. He cups her cheeks, drying beneath her eyes with his thumbs. _

_His lips brush against her forehead, more out of a lack of anything to say than anything else. He's surprised when her eyes flutter closed and the impulse to kiss each of them over takes him, bringing his lips to first her left lid and then the right. She doesn't say anything, just lets out a soft breath and looks up at him. _

"_Do you think it was really the devil?" _

"_I think… that whatever it was, it lied to get to you. It lied, Rose." She doesn't believe his words any more than he does. It's in her eyes; something is coming and she's afraid. And, worst of all, he doesn't know how to stop it and he doesn't know how to soothe her or convince her not to dwell on those words. All he can do is brush his thumb along her cheek and tilt her head back and stifle the questions on her mind with a kiss. _

_It's soft and fleeting, more comforting than passionate. And yet it's still all there- all the emotions, all the power and love that sparks constantly between them, just muted in their combined uncertainty. _

_It isn't until he pulls away that her mouth parts and air rushes into her lungs and she looks up at him, at a loss for words. And so she does the only thing she can think of. Her hands snake around her neck and tangle into his hair, pulling him closer. This time she applies more pressure, forcing the kiss away from the chaste __thing it was before. It's powerful and passionate and it's nearly impossible to choose to take her next breath over it. _

_There are hardly any layers between her body and his hands, just the soft cotton of an oversized shirt which is easily moved out of his way. He's almost sure that his overcoat is hanging in the control room and his jacket is still on the jump seat where he left it in the middle of his tinkering. His tie he intimately recalls Rose loosening and pulling over his head but after that he can't remember where it she put it. He's still wearing his shirt, although Rose's nimble fingers has undone it. He no longer cares what happens to his trousers by the time they fumble to remove them. _

There was something else there. Something in the way Rose stumbled over the topic. In the way she seemed to breathe in the courage to say something, before expelling the words in a strangled sob.

And her eyes. There was so much pain in there. Not just a grieving goodbye. Something else. The moment she had mentioned the baby, her features had softened and she seemed to be waiting, waiting for a response.

And she got one.

_It's not as either of them had imagined it- it's pained and beautiful, slow and hard, tender and needy- as they fall apart together. _

_Her body shudders beneath his, her lungs screaming for breath and her heart pounding half in sync with his racing hearts. _

_He shifts off her and instantly he pulls her to him, spooning against her back, his top leg tangling with hers and his elbow bent at her hip, his fingers splayed over her stomach. _

_She feels tense in his arms and he knows that she's thinking about the future- about tomorrow when she has to face him, about those words and the fate that awaits her, about her mum and Mickey and her friends back at the estate. So he kisses the back of her neck and her shoulder and his nose nuzzles her hair as his hands stroke her stomach and her breasts. She leans back into him, sighing against the sensations, and he feels her relaxing back into the present. _

_It won't last. He holds her as sleep claims her and he watches as her face softens into an unguarded picture of beauty. _

_He holds her tighter, hoping against hope that he can keep her just a little longer as long as she's right there with him. _

She saw the phantom memories pass through his eyes. She saw the shadow of guilt and sadness at not being there for the child. She saw the weight of grief pressing harder against his chest. She saw how much more it would hurt to leave two behind instead of one.

_He takes her there because he knows it will impress her. Dragons. She didn't believe him. _

_He resists the urge to wrap his arms around her waist and rest his chin on her shoulder. She wouldn't mind, he knows, but he tempers the impulse by stuffing his hands into his pockets and smiling softly over at her. _

"_How long are you going to stay with me?" He knows he shouldn't ask, but he does, knowing that her answer, whatever it may be, is going to hurt. _

"_Forever," she smiles and he smiles against the pain as he forces his eyes back up to the flying creatures. _

_Forever used to seem like so long, once._

Sitting in the corner of Rose's room, his lanky body balled up, his knees to his chest and his face in his arms, he cried. He cried for Rose and the forever she never got with him. He cried for him and the woman he never got the chance to love. He cried for the baby and the father it would never have. He cried for him and the child he would never get to meet. He cried for everything and nothing. He cried because it felt good and because it hurt.

He cried for the memories and the hopes and the possibilities that he could no longer see.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: _I hadn't intended on posting a second chapter, but someone mentioned the idea of doing a sequel to Rose's POV and I ran with it. Hope you enjoy!

_Summary:_"There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey… and the baby." Imagines of soft hands running over her growing belly invaded her mind. She saw him holding her hand as the final contraction hit and his soft voice in her ear as they saw their child for the first time.

/-/-

**She Smiled**

"There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey… and the baby."

Her voice nearly cracks, but the wind in her face can almost be blamed for it. Her breath hitches in her throat and if it wasn't for the hair blowing in her face, she would have been convinced that time had stopped.

Something was flashing behind those dark eyes as she watched him.

Imagines of soft hands running over her growing belly invaded her mind. She saw him holding her hand as the final contraction hit and his soft voice in her ear as they saw their child for the first time. She watched flashes of scenes- a pajama clad Doctor, his hair supporting a sad case of bed head, serving breakfast; the pull of bed covers and waking to the sight of their child snuggled between them to ward off nightmares; blonde pigtails bouncing on top of the Doctor's shoulders as they wander through an alien market place; a scrawny boy with a tuff of brown hair sitting on top the TARDIS console, his little hands eagerly turning knobs and pressing buttons that his father pointed to.

"You're not…"

Her lips parted and the words were there, backed by the tiny scrap of courage she had somehow accumulated. But they never came. There was such desperation in his eyes, guilt and pain, and she hesitated.

"No," she tried to laugh but it sounded too harsh to her ears. She pushed away the hair in her mouth, trying not to look at him as she said, "It's mum."

/-/-

It seemed almost anticlimactic that the sun didn't explode or that the planet didn't shudder to a halt as his image faded away. She would never see him again. Never. That was her good-bye. A distant image so close that she could reach out… but never touch him.

She had held it all back- the fear of dying in the Void, the pain and grief over loosing him, the anger she felt towards her inability to say the words- and now she let it go.

Her mum held her as the tears pooled down her cheeks and sobs racked her body. She tried to tell her how close she had come to saying it to him, about how close she had come to letting him share something so beautiful with her. But her words came out in sobs and her mum shushed her, rocking her until the light faded over the horizon.

_Her mum notices first. _

_Rose wants to blame her lack of a period on her altered mental calendar. She wants to blame her mood swings on the fact that she hates her new world, despite how much she loves her family. She wants to blame the first three mornings she spends in the bathroom on the foreign food she's been eating. _

_But after two months there, she can no longer deny it. She certainly can't deny the blue line staring blankly up at her. _

She worked for Torchwood now, well sort of. Pete wouldn't let her any where near the office in her condition and she was quite content to sit on the sofa with her swollen feet propped up on the coffee table, folders in her lap and a plate full of chips at her side.

Her hand stroked her bulging stomach absently. The faint feeling of movement stilled its wandering and she rested her palm over the sight of her child's newest target.

She felt it kick for the first time three weeks ago. She wished that the Doctor could have been there to feel it. She wished more than anything that she could have seen his face light up in that awestruck way it always did when he was discovering something new.

She smiled gently down at her stomach, watching her hand make lazy stroking motions once again.

She wished more than ever that the Doctor could be there with her.

_They had only ever been together that one night. One time is all it takes, she's heard before. _

_But, honestly, she never thought that she and the Doctor could have had a child together. _

_She pulls her shirt off, letting it drop to the floor from her hands as her eyes fix on the full length mirror. Her stomach is still flat, but it's only been three months. Her hands stray down over her ribs, fingers splaying out over her stomach. _

_There's a child growing there. Just a tiny bunch of cells right now. She's sure that the Doctor could tell her every scientific stage it would be entering into. _

_A pain of guilt sparks down her spine as she looks down at herself. His child. She wonders how different this pregnancy would be from a normal one. Would it be longer? Shorter? Would the Time Lord DNA take over- would it have two hearts? Would it be able to regenerate? She wonders if it was a girl or a boy and wonders which she would be better at handling. _

It was a girl. Their tiny baby girl: two point eight kilograms, forty-nine centimetres.

Her face was still wrinkled and ruby, her eyes still closed, and her head still slightly misshaped. Rose didn't think that the girl look much like either of them. Not yet, anyway.

She pressed a kiss to the newborn's forehead. Her eyes fell closed and, if she thought hard enough, she could almost pretend that the Doctor was there with her, cooing at his daughter and stroking her sore neck.

But he wasn't there when her eyes snapped open. She couldn't help but wonder as she looked down at their daughter what he was doing at that moment. Their daughter's birthday. Lily's birthday.

_She imagines that the Doctor would be better with a boy. She doesn't have any idea what male bonding on Gallifrey entails, but she likes to imagine the two of them playing football or catch in a park. _

_However, she would prefer a girl. She'd always wanted one. He would be cute with her, awkward but protective and fatherly. It's just in his nature. _

_He had mentioned once that he had a child, a long time ago. She wonders if he would have liked to have had another. Liked to have had one with her. _

Rose sat, one leg tucked beneath her, the other hanging over the edge of the bed. Between her, a half sized body sat fidgeting. Rose's fingers scooped up a piece of golden blonde hair, pulling it back into the next layer of braids, as she continued her tale.

The girl shifted again and Rose's hands adjusted to the action easily, a well practiced routine. Giggles erupted at well known times and her head turned awkwardly, eyes wide and voice chattering away as she posed a question or added her comments to the plot.

It was a nightly ritual, braiding her daughter's hair before bed, exciting her to sleep with a well known story about her father and his adventures through time and space.

_She wishes he was there with her. It hurts, knowing that she was alone in this. Well, not alone, there was her mum and dad and Mickey. But not him. _

_Their child would never know its father. Never know the most brilliant man she had ever encountered. _

_She wishes that he could at least know. That he could see their child just once, hold her hand just one last time, tell her just once that she's going to be all right. _

_But maybe leaving two behind would just make it harder for him. _

He was calling to her again, just as he did six years prior, beckoning her to follow his voice and find him.

She didn't hesitate before packing what she needed into a rucksack and then doing the same for her daughter. Rose helped her into the car, half-asleep, and drove off, knowing this time exactly where the voice would lead them.

Their drive ended at a beach in Norway where Rose let Doc, Lily's golden retriever, hop out to play in the water. Lily runs after him, giggling in mirth at finally being free from the car.

But Rose doesn't see her daughter as she pushed hair from her eyes and turned around. She saw the painfully familiar image of a man in a pinstriped suit standing before her. A disbelieving smile brightened her face but she couldn't bring herself to move any closer.

"Just another imagine?"

"For now. I found another tiny fracture. I can open it up, bring you back… if that's what you want?"

His eyes are darkened with pain and she wanted nothing more than to hold him to her, but she doesn't dare move. "Why didn't you just come through?"

"It could be dangerous."

"Last time it was impossible."

He nearly chuckled at that but his gaze was pulled up to somewhere just over her shoulder and she turned to look with him, her eyes landing on Lily and Doc playing in the waves. "Is that…?"

"Lily. Lily Rose Tyler."

"She's gorgeous."

"You can take us home?"

He ripped his eyes away from the child on the beach. "Is that a yes?"

She smiled properly at that, beaming at him as the word, "Yes!" left her lips.


End file.
